Moments of Need

I find that when I most need to is the time when I am the least mindful. When I am relaxed, calm, and focused on the now I realize that I am, in fact, relaxed, calm and mindful. The past 3 days at work have been very busy, and henceforth very lacking in wisdom. Today I was downright hostile and agitated at work with my students. Occasionally I found myself asking "Can I be mindful now?" and the agitation and excessive plague of self-importance impeded me, no, yanked me into a room of near claustrophobia.

The tension comes from the desire- there's that word- to do what is appropriate and correct, expected, in your job while remaining in a state of equilibrium, balancing what is important, what is correct, what is required, what is completed, what is impossible. I found several situations where I failed to complete a task that not so much impacts me, but also impacts many others. It's their disappointment that I dread, to not have done my job for them. Perhaps me ego, my self, can be empty of the desire to impress, but what might their hopes be?

I sit now, having read today's entry on the importance of the 8-Fold Path and I am recentered, or at least, better able to sit and contemplate instead of pacing and raging.

Perfect View
Perfect Thought
Perfect Speech
Perfect Action
Perfect Livelihood
Perfect Effort
Perfect Mindfulness
Perfect Concentration

Listing helps remembering. Remembering helps considering. Considering helps acting. I've also been reading an interesting book, The Tree, interestingly for which I can find no information online. It's a bit scientifically didactic, but none-the-less informative and pleasurable reading. O to have a 1000-acre grove on which to share such a gift.

Aspen Grove

Baobabs